Fri, 13 Feb 2004
Is Your Job Title ‘Evil Overlord’?
If so, make sure and read through the list of the Top 100 Things I'd do if I Ever Became an Evil Overlord. Avoid making the same costly mistakes other Evil Overlords have made in the past, and learn from their mistaks. Perhaps an example or two would whet your appetite:
- I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
- No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
- I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
posted at: 13:19 | path: /humor | permanent link to this entry
Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say
12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if Iam to do battle with this code!
10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in theoriginal Klingon.
9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent yourskull!
8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designersand quality assurance people in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak
5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Lethcontest. They will not concern us again.
4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family.Prepare to die!
2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where youstand!
1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Shipit, and let them flee like the dogs they are!
posted at: 09:43 | path: /humor | permanent link to this entry